Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
