I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
