It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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