Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
