He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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