she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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