Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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