I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
