I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
