Plan B is the new Plan A
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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