dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
as a side note pls kill me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
