and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
