This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it because I queefed?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
