Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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