Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
