Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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