is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
