she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
