Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
