i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
