Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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