she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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