i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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