I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
