We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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