Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
