Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
