i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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