he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
