wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
