Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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