I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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