i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
