with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize