ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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