So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
