Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
