i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
