There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
