You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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