just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
