Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
