I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
