If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
