Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i believe in u and ur pee
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