That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
