they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
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I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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