I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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