Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
