You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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