After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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