Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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