I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
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Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi