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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.

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• (916): View more from California

  awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment

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• (954): View more from Florida

  Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.

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  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.

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• (559): View more from California

  well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.

  (1-605): View more from South Dakota

  Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla

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• (845): View more from New York

  Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me

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• (530): View more from California

  I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!

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