im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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