the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".