we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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