she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night