there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
