i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
