I saw his package. It spoke to me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
