I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
