I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
