i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i think i just lost a toe
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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