i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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