Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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