Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
