where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
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so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
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So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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