"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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