I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
