i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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