I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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