A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
