That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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